Getting older but none the wiser?

Not long ago, I was still sunk in so comfortably watching dramas in my room in Brisbane, Australia, ignoring the fact that i was very soon to be home and never again going back to live there, at least not anytime soon. I have always enjoyed living there. I love their environment, the friendly people, their culture; Not that i don't love my home country, Malaysia still is a place where i love the good food, family and friends, but maybe.. not so much about the people. Nevertheless, still incomparable with Australia. Safety alone is already an issue. Well, I reckon i'm not the only Malaysian here praising the wonders of other countries.

Now that i'm back in Petaling Jaya, I yearn for Brisbane's rustic charms and their greenery. Although i stayed only 1 1/2 years, the affinity i felt with that way of life has made a lasting impression on me. By contrast, here in KL, people work like crazy and carry on with their lives but all this is done with such composure that one is somehow drawn in and become involved in their lives. There is no time to stop and think. There will never be a time, after a day's work to pause, ppl will laze around and watch the sky turn into myriad colors of the rainbow when dusk falls.

Having to force to leave my adolescent time and stepped into the working world , having no choice but to address myself as an adult, no longer a teenager feels miserable. The total strange surrounding and the obligation to commit myself to wake up early every morning and reach home late at night... totally unacceptable for the moment now. And i think, will i ever be, like all the other adults, to be caught in the rigors of the rat race where relationships tends to get relegated to the background as i often heard of disputes between adults. Being a teenage, relationship around us has already somewhat felt scandalous, what's more about being an adult?

Griefing over the great missing feeling towards my life in overseas hasn't been better, along with the problems i'm gaining from my family and relationship and having to work right now, added more misery and pain that it has naturally puts a lot of pressure on me, i feel like a rubber band, stretched to the limit, ready to snap at any time! However, as fate would have it, a page had turned in my life and there was no turning it back. Now, i am forced to live through it and I hope to learn from this so-called period of storm and stress and emerge a better person from it, like a butterfly coming out from its cocoon. Hopefully as time passes i'll gradually get used to the working life.. It feels like i'm getting older day by day but none the wiser.

Oh well.. Just.. the thought of not having time to savour life feels ever bitter. It felt like once you have started working, people are always racing against time. Everyone is too caught up with his or her life. WAIT. To use the word "life" is not even strictly correct because what is life when there is no time to enjoy it? What is life when, all of a sudden you turn back one day and find you have reached the end?

when i get used to the life now,
and i've less complaints to file,
that will proves that i'm getting wiser.
and urgh,
ignore the older part. :/